I have the worst luck with toasters.

Example 1: It’s breakfast time on a high school mission trip. I put my bagel in the toaster (one of the big ones in college cafeterias that has the rollers) and about halfway through, just where you can’t reach it, it catches on fire. All the way on fire, as it, yellow flames are shooting off of it. WHAT??? I look around, half wanting someone else to be there to help, half wanting to sink into the floor so no one can see that I’m the reason the toaster is about to explode. I don’t know what to do, so I just stand there helplessly. Eventually, the rollers manage to get the bagel to the end of the line and it drops out on the plate, all black and crispy and well, just burnt. I think I ate part of it simply because I was so embarrassed I didn’t have time to crab anything else to eat.

Example 2: At the steakhouse where I work at the fair, we use a similar toaster to make our texas toast. The toaster is old and needs to be replaced. A few minutes before we open, I notice there’s no toast ready so I shove a bunch of pieces of bread in there (per my usual), and keep running around getting other things ready. I check back on the toaster when I smell it getting hot, and yup, there’s a fire in there. I unplug it and call for help and people begin pulling out on-fire pieces of bread with long grilling tongs until it’s all clear. And yet, two years later, we still use that toaster, and it still almost catches on fire a couple times a day. I watch it like a hawk now, though, and warn everyone who uses it to never turn their back for fear it will act up out of spite.

Example 3: I was visiting my aunt and uncle one morning to help with some babysitting/housework while they were remodeling their house, and before I got there, the fire department had to be called because the house was filling with smoke and no one could find the source. Eventually, the smoke was traced to the–you guessed it–toaster, where a Pop-Tart had turned to char because something on the counter had wedged the handle down and it couldn’t pop up and shut off, thus, melting the Pop-Tart into a black, smokey mess. I wasn’t really at fault for this one, but since I was involved indirectly, I think it still counts.

There are other examples, but I’ll skip to most recent episode–this morning, when I have my bagel in one hand and the little plastic closure from the bagel bag in the other. I’m sleepy and hungry and somehow accidentally drop both in there. Dang it.

I do happen to notice it before turning it on, though, but I can’t reach it with my fingers or tongs. So I unplug the toaster and start to shake it upside down. The tab falls through a crack, deeper into the side of the toaster and now I can’t even see it anymore. Plus, crumbs go all over the counter, so I move to the sink and start shaking it harder.

Finally, I manage to shake the plastic tab, and about a cup of crumbs (though I empty it fairly often!) out of the toaster and into the sink, where it falls straight down into the garbage disposal and gets stuck.

Sheesh.

So while my bagel toasts, I fish it out using kitchen tongs and throw it disgustedly in the trash. I considered just abandoning my breakfast out of protest, but I really wanted that carby goodness, as usual.

Perhaps that’s why I get in trouble with toasters more than most, I just can’t stay away. Maybe all the toasters of the world have joined together in protest to get me to stop eating bread.

Or maybe I’m crazy. I blame the toasters.

Good grief.

I have a love-hate relationship with both the garbage disposal and the toaster…and today is just one of those days I guess. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have cereal.

What about you? Do you fight daily with any of your household items? Who wins?

ALSO, don’t forget to check if you were the winner of my giveaway post here! There’s only a few days left to send me your info before I draw a new winner!