Hey guys, how was everyone’s long weekend? Good?

Good.

Mine too.

Now that we have that nicety out of the way, let’s get down to what I really want to talk about: kissing.

(What? It’s a serious marriage issue!)

If you’re like us newlyweds, you probably spend a lot of time kissing.

(insert moment to groan here)

But seriously, most people in a happy relationship do kiss. At least sometimes.

And you’ve probably spent at least a little time invested in thinking about different kinds of kisses you’ve received.

Sloppy versus neat.

Fast versus slow.

Good versus bad.

Open-mouthed versus closed mouth.

(Sorry, Grandma, if that just got awkward, but you guys know what I’m talking about, right?)

When I was a pre-teen, my friends and I would try to describe these various kinds of kisses using our hands and fingers to make the shapes and motions of lips and mouths.

I’ll try to show you.

Take you hands and spread them out so your palms are open and facing each other.

Now close your hands so your fingertips touch the tips of your thumbs.

It should look like a little like eyes. (Confusing since we’re talking about lips?)

Then move your hands in until the points touch each other.

Congratulations, you’ve just made a peck!

For open-mouthed kisses, don’t close your hands all the way so there’s about an inch or so between the tips of your fingers and the tips of your thumbs. You may twist your hands as you bring them together to create a better connection for the kiss, much in the same way a real kiss involves the head tilt.

You can imagine how the other types of kisses went so I won’t make you go through that with me.

But I digress.

Anyway, after that embarrassing memory I just shared with you, let’s get to the point, shall we?

I’ve found that I can tell so much about Wyatt’s mood by his kiss. He has several different methods or techniques, but here are some notable ones I’ve noticed.

1. The normal kiss: This is the neat, short, sweet and simple kiss I get each morning when he leaves for work and each afternoon when he returns. It’s a classic and gets the job done. It’s also the kiss typically reserved for public displays of affection.

2. The preoccupied kiss: This one is very similar to number 1, but with a slight modification. Hubs doesn’t always stop what he’s doing to administer this one. It’s often down half-heartedly, perhaps leaving his eyes focused on the computer screen, TV, or whatever else he’s looking at.

3. The peck: Lips are closed and it’s very, very fast. Perhaps the most common time for this kiss is in front of the guys, or relatives, or when Hubs is busy but not so annoyed by my request for a kiss that I get the preoccupied kiss. Or when one or both of us has morning breath.

4. The angry kiss: Similar to the peck, but Hubs keeps his lips super-duper small and tight and I get a kiss that’s more like a soft punch by his lips than a sweet peck. When this happens, I almost always mention it and try to get a re-do. The re-do is not always better.

5. The slow kiss: This one is long and slow and nice. We’ll not get into too many details here, though. After all, my grandma is reading, remember?

6. The laughing kiss: Smiling plus a kiss. You get the idea.

7. The “I’m trying to bite you” kiss: Hubs does this to be silly. He goes in like a regular kiss and then opens up really wide and shows his teeth as he tries to bite my nose. Have I mentioned how mature my loving husband is?

Just kidding, I love his silliness, except the nostril flairs. Those I will honestly be annoyed about if he teaches our kiddos.

So there you have it, a sample of some of the kisses we share in this household. What kinds of kisses do you share?