I had a bit of a breakdown last night. And I’m not even sure why.
It all started because our apartment was a mess. I keep wanting to decorate for Christmas but things keep getting in the way. Like laundry and dirty dishes and a messy coffee table. Plus, I’m having trouble visualizing how to decorate our apartment because 1. I’ve never done it before, 2. We don’t have a lot of decorations that will work, and 3. We don’t have room to add a lot of things. We’re already close to capacity.
Then, Hubs was watching some sort of stupid zombie show or movie, or something. I hate stuff like that. And it was already almost 9:00 by the time we finished dinner. I think it had something to do with Wyatt working late and me deciding to make meatloaf anyway, which I couldn’t find the recipe for and takes like an hour to cook.
Oh well, it was still good.
But I was still salty.
And I’m still not sure why.
(Keep in mind, I know I’m coming off as being super ridiculous in this post, please just bear with me. I’m being honest, after all.)
All I know is that after a few short remarks and annoyed comments, Hubs turned off the TV and gave in.
And then I started crying.
Man, I hate when I do that.
Not that I dislike crying. I mean, it makes my face red and my eyes puffy and my noise stuffy. Who wouldn’t love that? Plus, it gets me absolutely no where. Usually I just realize how pathetic I’m being and that I have no reason to be crying, which usually makes me cry more. Awesome.
So then we went to bed, and I was unhappy until I fell asleep. Luckily, I woke up feeling much better.
Ten hours of sleep will do that for you when you’re upset for no reason.
And you know what?
Wyatt got up and went out on the deck to hang up our Christmas lights on the balcony.
So here’s my question…
Did he purposely wait until I was feeling better and ready to move on before he did something to make me feel better? Did he realize that even if he would have helped me decorate last night, it wouldn’t have been enough and I still would have been upset? Or was he just tired and ready to go to bed? I guess I should give him credit because I’m not sure I would have been able to
Is it better to NOT have a fight if you know that no good will come of it? I hate not resolving issues, but what if there is no real issue. Was Hubs right to just force me to sleep it off? (Force is a strong word, he would have woken up and tried to fix it if I’d really tried that. As if was, I just listened to him lightly snoring until I drifted off to sleep because even though I was upset, I wasn’t mad enough to purposely wake him up and pick a fight.)
This morning, I woke up and rolled over away from Wyatt. He woke up when I stirred and turned over as well, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me in close. Immediately I snuggled into him and breathed a sigh of relief. Whatever I was upset about last night, I couldn’t even remember. I didn’t know why I was mad last night, and this morning, it seemed too far away to bother worrying about.
And another big question? Will we ever really learn this stuff? Or is it trial and error forever?
I guess this is why so many marriages don’t work. No matter how much we want to get along all the time, we’re human and we have bad days and nights. We’re going to fight. We’re going to be grumpy and selfish.
The important thing is that we keep making a commitment to going to bed together and waking up happy to be in each other’s arms.
Advice? Insight? Stories from experience.
I appreciated the blunt honesty of this post. You are not alone; this exact same scenario happens to us more often than I’d care to admit. I think there are some times when I am just tired, and I find little things to nitpick about, and then I make myself believe that I am more upset than I really am… or that the issue is a bigger issue than the little one we’re currently discussing. This could go on for hours if one of us doesn’t call it a night and end the discussion. Frequently, like you said, the “problem” goes away with some rest and fresh perspective.
I think it’s important to realize when you’re being ridiculous and to try to stop the crazy train in its tracks. I have no problem admitting that I can be intensely emotional for no reason whatsoever, but I don’t like myself (or even feel like myself) when that’s happening, so I can understand why it’s not pleasant for Dayne, either. I try to avoid getting too carried away, although it’s good to cry if you feel like you need to.
And it’s good to always remember what you appreciate about each other in the first place and try focusing on the positive things instead of the negative. For some reason, the negative can take up a much bigger space in our brains/memory banks, and I think that’s Satan trying to get at us and at our marriages. Fight hard to believe the best in your spouse, and to believe the best in yourself (even when you feel out of control) — and realize that tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. 🙂
Hope that helps, if only to know another couple goes through the same thing!
Thanks for the great comment! It’s great when we’re able to work through these little crazy spells and end up more in control of ourselves and the fates of our marriages.
Turned out great! We had no leftovers! Thanks for sharing the recipe! -M