I didn’t have to work today which was a huge blessing because I really needed to get motivated to get back into the swing of housework. Hubs and I had a great little staycation and restful couple of days over the long weekend and our apartment certainly showed evidence of the lazy nights we had spent at home enjoying the coziness of our couch instead of folding and hanging up clean clothes or sorting the mountain of mail on our coffee table.
Oops.
But as important as it is to me to have our little apartment neat and clean, it’s more important to me to enjoy the time at home with my Hubs. I just had no idea how much I had gotten used to my time at home during the day during the months I wasn’t working!
Don’t get me wrong, I was bored at times and I got tired of sitting on our couch feeling worthless because no one would hire me. (Yes, I admit I had a few pity-party-like moments…) But, the truth of the matter is that I was able to really work on making and keeping our apartment like I wanted it to be.
I have a theory that I’m not very productive around the house at night because Wyatt and I dated long distance so long. When we hung out at either of our houses or apartments at night, we absolutely were not going to waste time doing anything but soaking up every minute we had together. (We were so cute, right?)
I think that’s why I have trouble working around the house once Hubs gets home at night, (or now that I’m working, when I get home and he’s already there…). I also sometimes get annoyed when he plays video games or all we do is sit around and watch TV. We dated so long and saw each other only one or two nights a week, sometimes less than that, for several years, and we learned to do a good job of really focusing on each other in the time we had together. Now that we’re together so much more, it’s easier for Wyatt to relax and just chill out, not necessarily doing “date-like” activities.
And that’s fine.
Really it is.
Sometimes.
We don’t have to have a date-like activity to do every night. (However, continuing to date each other is a key aspect in marriage, I believe, and one to not overlook, no matter how busy life may get!) And yes, “QT” will always be something that’s important to me, and us. I’m just learning to see it a bit differently.
I need to learn to appreciate the time we have together doing everyday things like folding laundry and washing dishes and watching American Guns on TV as much as I appreciate the time we have to do other, more date-like things. I can’t always just focus on why we don’t have “QT” (Quality time) as much as we used to.
The fact of the matter is that we DO have as much QT. More even! We have QT every day when we greet each other after work, every night when we’re holding each other tightly before bed, every morning when we’re struggling to open our eyes and get out of bed, every time I lay my head on his shoulder and close my eyes because I’m a bit bored by whatever show we happen to be watching on TV.
I sometimes just have a hard time seeing these moments as quality time when I’m too busy pouting because we aren’t playing a game or going out to a really nice dinner or having a long heart-to-heart conversation or sitting silently staring into each others’ eyes for hours on end…
..Okay, I don’t really want us to do that last thing…I got a bit carried away there.
But you know what I’m trying to say, right?
I just need to do a better job of seeing things his way…in this instance. At least sometimes. Wyatt is so wise, isn’t he?
What about you? Is this something you understand and can relate to? How can I work to overcome the disconnect I sometimes feel when my idea of QT isn’t the same as Hubs’s?
I can totally relate! Sometimes we get into that rut of watching TV (or get on separate computers reading) for days on end after long, stressful days at work. A lot of the time, we don’t go out except on the weekends. However, we do try to change it up every now and then, try to go on walks or play a card/board game together. I think it needs to be balanced, though, between the two definitions of QT. Don’t just try to convince yourself that you are the only one that needs to change, but instead find a compromise. Maybe tonight he just wants to watch his favorite show and tomorrow night, you get to pick the activity.
And I don’t think you are giving in at all, I think you are honestly trying to find that balance, but I don’t think you are wrong in wanting your own definition of QT every now and then. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive. Maybe put down ideas in a bowl and pick them out on nights you don’t want to have to think of something.
I have no idea if I was helpful at all, but I completely relate. Good luck! 🙂
Thanks for the reply! Those were some great ideas! I’ve wanted to try the picking things out of a “hat” for awhile, so we might just do that! And I agree about finding a compromise. We often do things I want to do, and we split picking what we watch on TV pretty evenly. Plus, I don’t mind anything that lets me just chill next to my hubby with a hot drink, at least I don’t mind it much!
This post is exactly the kind of thing I have been going through lately. The Beard likes to unwind by playing video games, while I’m on pinterest or doing something crafty around the apartment. But I missed the time we had in “dating” and woo’ing each other. So we made a pact to have a “date night” once a week. It didn’t have to be anything big but just something! And we alternate taking turns. Most nights it’s going out to a small dinner, a movie or a trip to Walmart. Whatever it is, we have that time together, once we are both home from work, to not be distracted by other things. That way we can get back to the root of our relationships. Because I completely agree with you, continue to date in a relationship is a key to making it last. Good luck!
Thanks for the comment, and for reading! I’m glad date nights are working for you! We love those times together as well. It’s great when couples are committed to continuing to pursue their significant other. It’s so important!
I think that so much of life is chore like things so I try to enjoy them. I am Catholic and one of the things I like about Opus Dei is that they believe in using your everyday life to honor God – sort of like honoring God while you do the dishes. 🙂 I think you can use this same kind of thinking in your marriage. The time spent together doing mundane stuff should count. We spend a lot of time commuting, making dinner, watching tv – make it as special as possible and chersh it. You might like this post I did: http://ilovethishusbandandwifestuff.com/2011/08/25/149-serving-god-through-serving-my-family/
May God bless you and your husband!
I enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing it. And I agree that we need to be aware of our motives and be intentional about our actions. Everything can be, and is, significant when you consider how it could potentially bless or hurt your marriage, family, or home. Thanks for the comment! And thanks for reading!
My husband noticed a similar pattern in our lives…too much time in front of screens (tv and computer). So for the month of January we decided no movies and no computer (or PS3) games. We’re only four days in and it’s been a stretch, but we’re loving all of the time we now have to get things done and spend time with our family. 🙂
What a great plan! I think that would be very tricky, but a fun challenge! Thanks for the comment!
We’ve got the same thing going on. I just think it’s hard when two people are working to provide for one another! We talk about it as often as it comes up, which helps. I’ve decided I think we need to do something new at least once or twice a month to build our relationship. And we designated Friday nights as “fun night” – which could be as laid back as eating pizza and watching a movie, but at least we know to look forward to it as time together. It’s okay to have nights when you get the mundane stuff done, or you focus on things separately, because you do need to do that at some point! You just have to make the QT a priority as well 🙂 And realize that the QT is special and not an everyday thing… if you want to have QT all the time, you’re going to consistently be disappointed! Focus on the feeling of productivity you get from cleaning, or the enjoyment of reading by yourself, etc. These are the little things that will carry you through the more “mundane” days.
That’s great! You’re right that it’s important to realize that QT is special time, although we can do our best to have a good time when we’re doing the little everyday things! Thanks for the comment!
I can totally relate to this post. The one thing my husband and I have done to keep out quality time in check is to set aside one day a week that we go out to eat or a movie etc. We also have found our groove so to speak in our busy lives to be able to be comfortable with being home at the same time but engaged in different activities. I think that with time you all will find your groove and don’t stress there’s no right or wrong answer to this just remember to enjoy each day together
Thanks for reading! And for the comment! I love what you said about finding our groove! I’m not sure we’ve hit that point, but we’re getting closer! I’ve settled into being content to read on the couch while he does something else. That’s a big step..I used to get annoyed too easily I think.
It will be OK and it will get better I promise. Our first year of marriage I wasn’t totally sure then or now that I knew what I was doing lol ! You all will find what works for you all in no time just give yourself some time to adjust. In the meantime you are in my thoughts and prayers :0)
Thanks so much! And thanks for reading!
I thought I was one of the few people who felt like this about the whole quality time thing. I hope I can learn to be laid back like my BF about it, but still remember to do a few special things every now and again.
Right! It’s all about balance! Thanks for the comment!