If you read regularly, you’ll know lots of things about me.
1. I hate our Brita pitcher. http://thenewlywedwife.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/lesson-7-the-brita-and-i-dont-get-along/
2. I love my husband. http://thenewlywedwife.wordpress.com/2011/09/12/little-and-big/ or http://thenewlywedwife.wordpress.com/2011/09/20/ice-cream-cure/…
and 3. I like to cook. http://thenewlywedwife.wordpress.com/2011/09/26/dinner-out-of-nothing/
You’ll also know that we have been married less than three months. Which puts us smack dab in the middle of the “newlywed” stage.
But yesterday as we were heading home from driving around looking for a car wash, I realized I didn’t really feel like a newlywed. And to be fair, I don’t know if I ever have.
Ok, let me back up.
On Saturday night after a day of hard work outside, we stopped on the way home to eat dinner at Noodles and Company. http://www.noodles.com/ (It’s so good. Trust me.)
We were standing in line and he leaned over to kiss me on the cheek, or maybe I did that to him. Either way, I heard that the lady behind me say, “They won’t do that once their married.”
Hesitantly, I turned around slightly, to see if she looked friendly. It was a middle-aged couple, both smiling, and laughing, and I smiled and asked quietly, “Are you talking about us?”
“Yea,” she smiled.
“We actually are married.” (Wow, that felt good.) “Only for a couple of months, but yea.”
“Ah…(more laughing and smiling) Well, that will stop after a few years.”
At this point Wyatt turned around and said something funny about how my sister, who has been married a coupe years, told him he’d eventually stop doing as many nice things for me “for no reason,” and there was more laughing. At this point I couldn’t help but notice that he put his arm around her and pulled her in a little half hug, and she tilted her head towards him. So maybe our little kiss challenged them into showing a little affection of their own. And then we moved up to the counter to order. I’m sure they were a nice couple, and that they meant well. I’m in no way saying their marriage will fail. But I disagree.
Because I’m not sure that will change. I mean, I certainly am happy and very much in love. But in no way do I feel that our marriage is in a heightened romantic, lovey-dovey stage. I mean, we’ve been together so long now, we even broke up for a little while, broke each others’ hearts, and then re-learned how to trust, love, and respect one another. If anything, since then, our relationship has just felt…real.
Don’t get me wrong, I am crazy in love with him. He makes me smile for no reason and wait with excitement for him to come home from work. I couldn’t respect, admire, adore, or appreciate him more. But I’ve felt those things for so many years already! I can’t imagine not feeling them, and every day I feel them more. But those don’t feel like “newlywed feelings.” I thought that was just what love felt like.
Now, I’m new to this newlywed thing, and clearly, I’ve never been at this stage of life before, so maybe everyone is telling me that the love we feel will “go away.” That only newlyweds “feel” their love, or “show” their love.
Goodness, I hope not. That’s the reason I married the man, after all, because I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life loving him.
So yesterday, after our hectic day of fixing a tire and driving around all over looking for a car wash, it hit me that we weren’t acting at all like “newlyweds.” We were acting like a couple. Acting like ourselves.
Which is exactly who I’d want us to act like.
And maybe Wyatt won’t always continue to lean over and kiss my cheek for no reason while we’re standing in a long line. But you know what? He’s been doing it for 7 years, so maybe he will.
And if he doesn’t? Well, we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.
Or go find us a young newlywed couple to serve as inspiration.
I love your post my dear – and can completely relate! It makes my heart smile too. 🙂 In my experience, after a few years, life can just become really busy, and you have to be more diligent in setting aside time to spend with each other without the constant distractions of “life.” You two are so wise though, and will do great! Love you both, Meredith
Thanks! Hope you are enjoying your new job!
This is my first week reading posts from bloggers. I am new to WordPress, and blogging in general. We shared a tag, and I happen to stumble across your post….and as a newlywed, myself, I frequently share this exact thought…and like you, I challenge it. The only response I can contrive is to say that for us, our generation of newlyweds, we are separate..different…we watched countless couples (frequently parents) divorce, start new families, and redefine ‘marriage’ in terms of ‘first’, ‘second’, or sometimes even ‘third’…and if our parents didn’t divorce, they were ‘lucky’. So, perhaps, and I hope beyond hope that this is true…perhaps we have entered into our marriages with a more realistic approach. Maybe we know that marriage is work. real work. real sweat. real tears. real chance of failure. Maybe, in the same regard, we have also redefined the ‘newlywed stage’, or maybe we have eradicated it entirely. My husband kisses me on the cheek for no reason, too. We get the same comments from other couples.
On a side note- as I was typing this to you, my bet friend and fellow newlywed (we were one another’s maid of honor) sent me a text message with a picture of her positive pregnancy test. I am taking this as a sign that all of us are going to be a-ok.
KEEP KISSING IN PUBLIC!
Wow! Great!
I agree that maybe marriage is evolving. As nostalgic as I can be about my parents’ and grandparents’ relationships, there are definite differences today.
And welcome to the blogosphere. Thanks for reading and commenting! I look forward to future “conversations!”
Your dad and I still steal a kiss sometimes, yes even in public. Hope you find that encouraging! Love, Mom
Of course. 🙂
I feel that you 2 will always be “lovey-dovey”, that is just your personalities. John and I still hold hands and steal a few kisses in public. You come to know that it will last when you have that fight and you don’t “like” him very much at the moment, but you look in his eyes and still see that love that you saw on July 9, 2011!
Great subject, and great insight!
Thanks!
Just reread this. 🙂 My hubby and I have been married for about 2 1/2 years now. We both love each other and even more than the day we married. But it’s different than that “newlywed love.” My hubby use to be more touchy, but now more touchy things happen in private. 😉 Plus now we have a 2 month old which adds more distractions and less couple time. But the blessings are overflowing! It’s the sweetest thing to watch your husband and his bond with your daughter. Just incredible! But it’s always good to remember where your love “began” and what made it so sweet to begin with. When you know someone SO well you know not to get worked up about certain things because it’s just who they are! Can’t change them. If I’m frustrated with something hubby does (or doesn’t do) I sit back and think about it for a day or more and consider all options: why? Is it worth discussing? Prayer and what can I change/do differently? Usually the answer is: stay calm and respect you hubby. Then I start to realize why he does or doesn’t do it. (For example my most recent issue: He ALWAYS has to ask me where something is. But it’s usually always in the same place. I grew up learning everything has a “home.” So when I pick up it goes back to that “home.” However hubby grew up in a home where his mom was totally not organized at all and nothing was in the same place EVER–and still not! So instead of getting frustrated that he cant problem solve and figure out where something is and allow me to think he’s forgetful. I can realize he’s never gotten the chance to get used to things being easy to find because it was always put back where it “always is/belongs.” It’s not his fault. And he has always told me he thats something that admired him about me. I’m organized. So now I just smile and thankful he appreciates I know where things are.) 🙂